Swedish chit-chat etiquette
Basic unwritten rules and norms to know when you talk to a Swede, in private situations or at work.
- Don’t interrupt. They won’t interrupt you.
- Don’t think Swedes are not listening or interested in what you say, just because their facial expression seems a little still.
- Keep small talk to it’s socially acceptable minimum
- Avoid talking about illnesses, politics, religion
- Do talk about the weather, recent journeys, or comment on the place you are at right now
- Avoid eye contact, in order to avoid small talk. This may confuse you, since you had a great chat with Åke about how to bygga altan (building a terrace) when you met him at the pub, but now he stared the other direction when he went pass you in the city centre. This is normal. Most Swedes do it. They usually only engage in small talk if both accidentally didn’t manage to avoid eye contact at the same time. Don’t take it personal. They do it with other fellow Swedes as well. It’s part of Swedish culture. You will get used to it. And, to be honest, after years of resistance, I adapted to this behaviour as well. 🙈 😀
- Don’t show off. Swedes like things lagom. And there is a thing called jantelagen.
- Don’t talk to strangers, unless you accept being perceived as a weirdo. Swedes will react in a polite way, they will answer your questions. But make sure to end the conversation as soon as they start staring into another direction or on their mobile phone.
- Keep physical distance. More than an arm’s length.
- Don’t do spectacular physical gestures and facial expressions. You’re not in Italy. ;)
Conclusion: For a successful conversation with a Swede, just communicate the way you usually do when you’re tired and freezing. :)
Tack, Matthias – this is very enlightening! I’m visiting Sverige from New Zealand in a few month’s time, on my own, and I kept reading about this svenska shyness, and got alarmed. That is until I read your post, because the way you describe it is JUST LIKE the distance we New Zealanders cultivate. I was going to go on about ‘eye contact’ and ‘strangers insisting on talking = weird’, but then I realised Every Single Point you’ve listed = så NZ.
Knowing the rationale behind the etiquette is going to make my trip a lot more comfortably familiar than I expected! :D
Regarding ilnessess and just to expand on some points. This reflects not a false pretense of health but a social norm limiting the burden one may place on others’ with personal struggles. It creates a subtle trap of courtesy where mentioning illness instantly appoints the listener to a role demanding empathy, prompting questions and emotional consolation. To trauma dump in a casual context is to impose a profound and unanticipated duty on a stranger.
Some Swedes would label religion a “private matter” but that’s a misnomer. For the vast majority of the population it is a defunct concept, an artifact of historical discourse that commands no serious intellectual or spiritual interest. It occupies a space not of private reverence but of public obsolescence.